Your face lights up on TV and the deep wrinkles that were your trademark during your campaigns are a thing of the past. Your straggly beard that looked like cactus thorns in the Sahara Desert is well trimmed.I cannot believe what power and money can do in a very short time. Your skin is as supple as that of Naman when he agreed to dip himself seven times in River Jordan. I love your Pierre Cardin blue suit and you flattop hair style. I am also told you are now displaying the best of Western styles: Italian shoes, Ralph Lauren shirts, Versace ties, Armani suits and Dior’s subtle colognes with an adage that says, “You don’t go to the palace looking like a peasant” holding tightly on to your tongue. I loved the last interview that you held with Broad Band TV in June two months after the grueling elections.

You looked buoyant and radiated a feeling that was enhanced by a carnation on the lapel. You cut the image of a man in charge. That day, you cut the picture of an unruffled quiet and confident efficient politician, no, a manager. We were very proud of you sir as the electorate of Hakuna Matata County. Since then you have also become the delight of the media by your turn of phrase, a highly informed mind and an impeccable command of the English language:

“Bwana Governor, now that you have ascended to Hakuna Matata County as its first governor by beating four other contestants, what plans and priorities do you harbour for it?”The journalist asked you while we were all glued to our TVs.

Hakuna Matata County is very soon becoming the hub of technology, agricultural and development in our country Enashipai and Africa as a whole. My team and I have laid an elaborate and far reaching economic, social and political blue print to kick and jump start the potential of this County. We are treating it as a corporate. It will be a tourist hub with cozy and trendy restaurants serving exquisite food with best entertainment, a cosmopolitan atmosphere and conference tourism attracting international meetings.

It will be a wonder county. We are going to turn the fortunes of this vibrant county by up scaling it as part of Vision 2030. Hakuna Matata has to be rebranded so as to be in tandem with the shakers and movers in this nation. We have a lot of minerals that must be mined and an incredible human capital of young people that has to be exploited to deliver it into a modern-day-technologically-advanced county. A view of our portal (by the way we are already digitally oriented) will very soon show diversity, innovation, depth, quality and high appeal. Small wonder, tourists will flock here in droves. The nitty-gritty details of matters governance, healthcare, history, heritage, science and technology, social and sustainable development, sport and media will be covered.

It will be a holistic approach in selling our brand. News and events to photo galleries, with details on birdlife, hotels, mountains and rivers will be covered.

“But how will you market your county Bwana Governor?” The journalist asked you.

In our new restructured corporate, we will require a marketing and an advertising manager of the agricultural products and whatever else we shall be manufacturing. In this department, marketing and corporate communications will work towards strategically providing a greater focus on visitors’ needs and investors who will come from all over the world. We have to get a versatile and an energetic team, work with a passion for change and use an international approach using our corporate bodies to brand Hakuna Matata County as a tourist destination.

“But how will investors know about Hakuna Matata County sir?” The journalist implored further.

We are going to develop and roll out tactical campaigns and promotions in major destinations of all our products to the world through global media like BBC, CNN and DSTV.

We will also ensure that there’s a regular feedback system in place from our visitors and investors through surveys and research to inform and improve its image. Then select and maintain a distinctive look and feel for Hakuna Matata Brand that reflects its chosen values while designing and updating the Hakuna Matata (corporate) look, feel and logo guidelines.

“How shall it be, given the challenges your county is facing with its poor infrastructure?” The journalist probed you further.

To build this corporate, a mutually rewarding business and service relationship with our clients, we will have to ensure that there is proper road networks and even a corporate card executive. The economical growth boosted by moderate technology particularly modern banking and money transfer in our county will require the effective utilization of Hakuna Matata’s databases and tools. Hence digitally-working closely with the e-business team to formulate and develop online customer care and internet bookings will suffice. But plans are already under way to engage the Chinese in building the roads like Thika Highway in Hakuna Matata. We liked the quality of the company Shina Wuyyi Consortium in building roads with their modern technology. Our vision is to have a very good network throughout Hakuna Matata County to enhance business expansion and accessibility.

“But how is your structure of administration that has been the bane of past regimes in Hakuna Matata County?” The journalist was not relenting in asking you questions.

By supervising our service team that ensures efficient responses to our customers and effective response, customers will be retained. Acknowledging online and offline customer complaints,


Compliments and suggestions will assure customer confidence and indicate cause of action. We will ensure consistency in the appropriate and effective use of service recovery methods by setting the customer relations standards. Effective motivation, coaching and training of this sector staff through the individual review process will boost changes of our envisioned reforms.

“But are there models in Africa and the world that you can borrow and hybrid with what you have to get the best results in Hakuna Matata?” The journalist was enjoying every moment of the interview with you to our excitement.

Oh…yes…oh…yes. One is left amused at Limpopo’s strategy, a country that has mastered development. Theirs is known as National Sector Strategy (NTSS).Here domestic tourism and regional development are outlined. What of their cashing into the emerging markets like the BRICS (Brazil, Russia, China and South Africa)? Its elaborate business events such as meetings, expos, incentives, congresses, exhibitions, conferences and trade fairs are taken advantage of. Joblessness among the Youth has been taken into account in this industry. They have Chef’s Youth Training Project for the unemployed. Hospitality Youth Initiative is also another platform for the jobless youths and finally the Tourism Buddies Youth Project marks a commitment by Limpopo as a nation. This model is what we will merge with our own at Hakuna Matata County that I will not explain here so as to come up with the role model of all counties in the Enashipai nation.

Sir, your brilliance, political acumen and organizational abilities are in the superlative and we are proud of you at least in the spirit of goodwill. You have a large head and large eyes that face forward like an owl, unlike other birds whose eyes are on the sides of their head. You are quite enigmatic.

Remember owls eye placement gives them binocular vision and very precise depth and perception just like you. The circles of their radiating feathers surrounding each eye give them a wide-eyed alert look. But their undoing is one; owls cannot move theirs within their sockets like we do. Hopefully, you are getting me.

You slogan during the highly charged campaigns was ‘One Language! One Culture! One County!’ We loved you and our hopes rested in your promises.

We hear that your office is a stylish Afro-decor. It provides a casual glimpse of the trappings of power. It has headrests from the nomadic Bedouins of North Africa, with spears of warring tribes and masks from Ukambani and the Digo of the Coast. I am told that your office has numerous décor pieces such as painted canvasses, textured and patterned wall paper, souvenirs and sculptures. I have desired to work in such an office since I graduated with a degree in human resource but I am busy hawking Chinese merchandise along Hakuna Matata

Streets. I am told working in your office is like working from home. The fans blow winds creating currents of pomp and color. I love this kind of life.

I am also told that these pieces come in a variety of rich colors for the sharply angled frames, high glass metal, exotic woods, mirrors to create glamour and a style to any wall. I am told your office walls have been made into artistic visual statements to enhance your montage. Please I hope this is part of Vision 2030 and if it is not, then we don’t know what it is.

We hear that the in house music is the soft, Fadhili William-Steve Wonder-type that has a caress like that of a lover while leaving one’s soul massaged. The ambience of your office is good. During your campaigns, we never thought you had been a top-notch businessman and a wheeler dealer with excellent connections. You dazzled us–the electorate- with your intellect rather than with your bank balances. But we have now been informed that you are transacting big business between Hong Kong and Dubai. Hopefully it has nothing to do with rhino horns and elephant tusks from Hakuna Matata County. It is not bad to do business though, but we voted you in to bring development to Hakuna Matata remember.

You took the stage with charm, wit and fun. Sir, there’s a season to hit out and a season to shell out praise. It is time for the former. The post of an aide de camp is decorative. You had promised to promote Odhis who has brain and brawn. Now we realize that the job belongs to your cousin. We don’t understand you anymore. We are told that the guy has an imposing presence that gives you a touch of visible power and authority. It’s a family affair and he does not just allow anybody near you.

I leave it to your imagination. You have a secretariat. Please mingle, if not, mix guys from the county and not your kinsmen alone. You are capable of doing that if Munyao was able to climb Lenana Point of Mt Kenya in the name of patriotism to hoist the Kenyan flag while lowering the Union Jack into oblivion. Even Joshua led the children of Israel to the land of Canaan. So examples of men who made it abound. And by the way, we have agreed not to burn your effigy and give you time to put your house in order. You know we are very good at sloganeering ‘Haki Yetu…Haki Yetu!’ while asking for our rights.

To just refresh your memory, do not provoke your electorate. Remember how David the shepherd boy scuttled the head of Goliath. Be informed that Hakuna Matata guys are capable of nipping your career in the bud. Kindly be informed.

“Why do we have to go through the same cycle of blatant lies every electioneering period?” I explode. I am almost yelling.

“Why do we?” Odhis is lost for words when he finds me drafting this

“W-w-why? Odhis cannot take it “Uh-huh….” Odhis sighs.

“Err-ah-would somebody in your secretariat be kind enough to arouse the dreams you conjured up in us during the elections?” We ask ourselves.

Another young man who cannot divulge what you promised him when you would take the reins of power mumbles some things then he opens up, “Why-why-why” while his face twitches in an arrogant disdain. You promised what you could not deliver and we believed you. Do not joke with the energy of the youth. You know this is untapped uranium in the mine that can explode any time.

Pages: 1 2 3



%d bloggers like this: