Sausage funga’ craze bites Nairobi women


Dating culture in Nairobi is quickly changing from long-term courting to one-night stands. With more women hitting menopause without a man or children, they will go to any lengths to find somebody to keep them warm, even for one night. Which means that women will hang out at several joints looking for men to take home.

Men on the other hand, seem to enjoy one-night pleasures initiated by women. It is called being ‘sausage fungwad’ in Nairobi-speak. A random survey conducted by The Nairobian team shows that men now prefer going to women’s houses not only for free breakfast but also because ‘chips fungas’ (one-night-stand women) are expensive and clingy. Below are more reasons why ‘Sausage funga’ is currently the in thing.

1. Stamping authority

2aSome men just love a woman who is in control. Those who have read Fifty Shades of Grey can relate this with the illusion created by EL Jameson about men who love being dominated by women in the bedroom.

A single woman with a stable job, who drives her own car, owns a house in Kileleshwa and is sipping on Chardonnay and Moet will easily attract a man who has been sucking on one bottle of malt.

What starts as a simple conversation after he has been invited to join the girls at their table ends up in a pillow talk at the end of the night. She paid the bills and took him home; she wins!

2. Broke men

These are the guys who enjoy being ‘sausage fungwad’ the most. They will actually initiate it by acting friendly toward their prey. Good news is, they don’t have to think about the depth of their pockets.

With younger women, before making the first move you have to be ready to spend always. These young ladies never think about cost sharing.

Being a ‘sausage funga’ on the other hand means all your needs are furnished. In fact, if you are good in bed, you may end up getting a spare key to her house and the other car that has been piling up dust for the past one year.

3. Spirit of adventure

If she does it tonight, she has done this before! A man will definitely want to experience a-one-night stand under the care of a woman so as to have a story to share with the ‘boys’. Most men tag along in anticipation of being taught all there is to know about sex. She has been there, done that and won the T-shirt. She knows what to do, when to do it and where.

4. Walk of shame

No ‘loaded’ woman in her right mind wants to wake up at 7am, on a Saturday with a hangover. A typical middle-class woman wants to be in the comfort of her bed the morning after and struggling with mascara breakout clogging her vision and as her companion sleepily stretches out Sh100 for bus fare. It always feels good to wake up in your bed, dictating what time the man should leave before the real boyfriend walks in.

5. The ‘Morning-after-pill’ revolution

With the availability of contraception, who is really scared of unwanted pregnancies? Gone are the days when women were scared of walking into late night chemists to buy condoms. Forget pregnancies, more women are now rushing to hospitals for emergency ARVs faking a date rape; just in case.

6. Alcohol gone out of control

Nairobi was named the second largest alcohol-consuming city in Africa after Johannesburg. The World Health Organisation Report in 2012 listed women drinking habits to have increased over time.

With such statistics, women are more likely to get carried away after one, two, three bottles. A typical Nairobi woman will most likely find herself in bed with the stranger who volunteered to drive her home after she blacked out on top of her vomit on the couch at the bar lounge.

7. Social media

Social media has created a platform for cheating, flirting and finding no-strings-attached flings. A woman does not necessarily have to go out. With a computer and Internet at her disposal, all she needs is sign up to a local hook up site to get a man for a night.

With her own a house and the man will who deliver himself at her doorstep as soon as dusk approaches and leave before sunrise, she is good to go. See, easy – like buying sukumawiki from Mama Mboga!

8. Peer pressure

The Nairobi woman has a tendency of consulting ‘her girls’ on the minutest aspects of life, relationships included. Since men do not want to commit, women, just like they converged in Beijing, have decided to take matters into their own hands.

In an effort to fit in and avoid solitude, a woman will blindly follow her friend’s words of advice. Besides being a ‘bad girl’ especially in their 20s, sounds so cool. It will also be used in future tale referencing of ‘been there, done that!’

9. It’s a middle class thing

No offence, but most poor Nairobians are bothered about food, shelter and clothing if not school fees. Only middle class women have the luxury of using sex for pleasure. With all the money at their disposal, what’s missing in the equation is alcohol, company and sexual satisfaction.

10. Too much TV

For a generation of young, university-educated women brought up on a diet of Rihanna and having Sex and the City actresses as role models, sexual freedom is clearly something to be proud of and not ashamed of.

It has become such a badge of honour for a Nairobi woman that being traditional is considered boring. Just so you know, Nairobi currently has the honour of being the ‘easiest’ city on the planet regarding sexual matters, at least according to social commentators.

The Cut News



%d bloggers like this: