Kenyan women finding love from the obituary pages

Obituaries_HeaderFor most women the ultimate goal when they grow up is to get married and raise a family.

And it is no wonder that Nigerian Pastor Chris Ojigbani attracts many Kenyan women searching for soulmates.

As marriage is becoming elusive, a horde of women are becoming more creative in employing new tactics to land partners.

The search has widened past the churches, beyond the work place and networking groups, bars to the graveside.

A woman has revealed to The Nairobian how she wittingly used a man’s vulnerability following the loss of his wife to win her way to marriage.

When Sarah Awino (not her real name) went through that local newspaper a year and half ago, she was going to give marriage a try for the second time.

The first time she attempted it did not work and she was naive, shy and lacked courage.  Egged on by her friend’s success story, Sarah who initially lacked guts, decided it was her only chance.

She went through the obituary pages hoping to land the preferred choice. And when she finally saw the coloured picture of a middle-aged woman in the obituary page she quickly took her details, especially about the husband left behind. For Sarah, her time had come.

“I decided to give it a try. If it was going to fail I would then go into other strategies of looking for a husband,” she said.

“I first felt deeply sorry for woman’s demise as she looked relatively young, beautiful and above all, well kept,” said Sarah whose reason was not to pity the dead woman but fill her space.

“I went through the important details to me especially finding out whether she had left behind a husband, and what could have possibly killed her. These are the two serious factors that I needed to find out before hand.”

To her delight, the deceased was married with two girls. But one more important thing to Sarah was that the woman had died from a road accident.

Sarah says it is advisable not to get involved with a man whose wife died from long illness bravely borne.

And for almost one and half years ago now, Sarah is happily married and living in a plush home in city suburbs.

Sarah is not alone but are among many typical Nairobi women now landing husbands from the obituary pages.

The funeral meetings were scheduled for Garden Square hotel in the evening and the family’s home in Nairobi’s leafy suburb. Sarah recalls that when she entered for the first meeting that evening the family members and friends were still in shock and the mood was sombre.

“I was apprehensive and guilt engulfed me as I entered the meeting place. However, I was lucky because the grieving family and friends did not ask for introduction. As the meeting progressed I got confidence and threw in a word or two,” she said.

The widower arrived in the meeting an hour later when Sarah had relaxed. “I liked him from the word go, he looked fine. My resolve was determined and swore not to let another woman take him from me,” said the mother of one.

After the meeting Sarah gave him heartfelt condolences for his loss. Another meeting was going to take place in the same place for four consecutive days and she knew she would not miss them.

“The second meeting went on fine and I was more confident and made several suggestions in the meeting,” she said.

On the third day she told Peter that she must attend the family meeting because she wanted to ensure that everything goes on smoothly, which he obliged.

On the fourth day she ensured that she quietly took over the meeting without looking assertive and also made sure that all who attended were well fed before they left.

“It was very late. Peter told his brother to drop me, but I told him I would drive myself back to my place. But he insisted that it was too late, and even asked me to spend the night in one of his several rooms in the house,” she says.

To Sarah, everything was working out perfectly. The only remaining bit was win the confidence of the deceased daughters aged 11 and 7.

“They looked lonely and distraught. The following two days I spent time with them and Peter. In fact, I started winning their confidence fast. I guess because they were very vulnerable, I had never known men to be that weak at the time of loss, I acted as their mother and wife,” she said.

A “Cutting the long story short, by the time we were leaving for the funeral in the village in Nyanza, Peter asked if I could sit with him and the children in the long journey,” Sarah said with her face glowing.

“I declined the offer because I did not want to attract the ire of the relatives and friends who still did not know who I was exactly, everyone knew me differently, I posed as the late woman’s friend, colleague, and college mate, relative and depending on who it was,” she explained.

She said during the two days she had intelligently gathered a lot about the deceased, I knew where she schooled, worked and Peter knew that his wife was her college mate and close friend but they had lost contacts until she saw her in the newspaper.

“During and immediately after the funeral Peter consulted me a lot, his brother and I were the only people allowed to drive his BMW and some occasions he requested me to take the children to the nearest town for food and shopping, and the children who have stayed in the city all their life were comfortable with me,” she said.

She explained that three days after the funeral, they drove back to the city and this time round it was only the four of them Peter the girls and her in the car and somehow everybody was comfortable and relaxed despite the loss.

Back to Nairobi Sarah explained that it is Peter who now took up the seduction process from where she had left, she played a bit of ‘hard’ to get to give value to the chase and in six months they were inseparable.

“I think I just fitted perfectly to the shoes of the deceased and Peter was not ready to let me go, he wondered how he could live without me, and this seemed to be the message from the girls too,” Sarah

Sarah said one morning after 11 months in the relationship, they wedded secretly at the Attorney General’s office and she is ever grateful to her friend who gave her the moral support during that pursuit process.

“My friends got her fiancee in the same way and so she gave me a lot of moral support and encouragement, I am not guilty at what I did the end justifies the means and every one of us in the house is happy, I have not however shared the secret with my husband because I don’t know how he would react,” she confided.

-The Nairobian



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