A black woman who has been spending lockdown at her boyfriend’s parent’s house revealed she is struggling with how to react after overhearing them make racist remarks about her behind her back.
Writing anonymously on Reddit‘s Relationship Advice forum, the 23-year-old Kenyan woman who has been in a year long relationship with her white Canadian boyfriend, 25, explained that they made a decision to spend lockdown in his hometown after both of their jobs were closed.
She said it was the first time she met his parents and they initially seemed nice. However, in the evening of the same day that they arrived she overheard his parents using racial slurs – including the N-word – when talking about her behind her back.
The woman received an overwhelming number of responses offering her comfort, but many were divided if she should end the relationship because of his parents’ comments.
In a lengthy post the woman revealed she’s never had to deal with any similar incidents of racism and is unsure what to do next.
She wrote: ‘…When I was walking down the stairs, I heard his mother (still at the kitchen table) mention my name, so being noisy, I stopped and listen. They said I was nice and I was happy to hear that, but then his father said ‘it’s a shame she’s a n***** though’.
‘His mother answered ‘as long as he doesn’t marry her, it’s fine. And he won’t, he knows we would be disappointed’. I kind of froze up, waited for them to change the subject, got my bf’s charger and went upstairs.
‘I didn’t know how to feel, and I still don’t. I’m lucky enough to have never dealt with this kind of racism, so I’m a bit lost on what to do. What his mother said implies my bf knows his parents are not happy with him being with me. Is this why he’s waited so long to introduce them to me?’
A stream of responses urged the woman to break up with her boyfriend, warning that if they get married she would also be tying herself to his family.
One person said: ‘It makes me stick to my stomach that this happened to you and I am so sorry you were even in this situation. Yes, you need to confront your boyfriend about this as soon as possible.
‘While he very well might not share the same disgusting views his parents do, he 150 per cent has to know they’re like this.’
Another wrote: ‘This is not okay at all and even more not ok if your SO knew that they felt this way. If he knew that they were racist (even if he doesn’t think of it that way), he knowingly put you into this situation and into harms way.’
Others argued the woman shouldn’t necessarily end her relationship, but should instead allow her boyfriend to confront his parents about their views.
One person wrote: ‘Wow first of all, I’m really sorry about his parents. That really is a shame. I think you should tell your BF about what happened and let him handle it.
‘You didn’t do anything wrong, they’re just being super racist and unreasonable. I really hope they start to look past your race and instead realise the other amazing things you have to offer.’